Megan Johnson's blog post inspired me to write my own about Birthmother's Day. Our stories are quite different, so I encourage you to read both. :) This day was created in 1990 to honor and remember mothers who mourn a great loss. Thanks, Megan, for this "tid bit" of information! Because of this, I decided to reflect on our sweet boy's story and his birthmother.
To be very honest, I struggled with forgiveness and anger because of his situation, and I still do. I've cried and screamed for hours over the past 20 months. I couldn't believe some of the things we were told. It didn't make sense to me that someone wouldn't just fall in love with a child and invest in them from day one. Although, we are all sinners and make unwise choices.
Now, there are things that could have been prevented. There are things that should not have happened. There are things that are sickening...literally churning my stomach to think about. However, I must stop and think this may not have been how his birthparents felt about him. These events could have been the result of anger...not to condone them by any means. Maybe the anger overpowered the ability to reason.
A few weeks ago, I decided I should take on a different perspective of his situation. I have prayed about his birthfamily. With that said, I have specifically prayed for his birthmother. Honestly and hard to admit, it has been a long time since I've prayed for her-probably before we knew what child God had planned for us. I have never met her but believe that she did love this precious baby. I believe she didn't show up to weekly visits because hopefully she knew he was in a home that would provide him with all the love and support he could ever dream of. I believe that she knew this life was better than what she could provide.
There is still a long road of forgiveness ahead for me, but I am turning my perspective around. I need to be able to show this baby boy what forgiveness looks like. Instead of this being that her child was taken away or that she didn't love him, I am viewing it as her way of saying, "He deserves this life." I think that's why she showed up to surrender her rights. She didn't fight it because she wanted him to have a wonderful road for the future. I will not ever know the answer, but I can pray this is true.
She has no idea of the turmoil we experienced, but she also has no idea how happy she has made us...a calling and longing fulfilled. I do not know if this woman knows Jesus, but I pray that she will come to know Him. After all, part of His plan was to place this sweet angel with us-the one that she carried for nine months and parented for two months. I thank God each day for that, and from this day forward, I thank his birthmother. He is beautiful and now healthy. He is perfect. He is mine, but without her he would not be here. God's plan is greater than I could have ever imagined.
So...Birthmother, I am praying for you and am thankful for you. I pray that you are filled with God's love today and everyday.
Love,
Amy
